Blind Suffering
by kaatee
Summary: Bella Swan never asked for the visions, she never wanted the constant reminder of what she'd lost. Now, however, she saw them, and she depended on them. If she had to go through hell to keep them, so be it. BellaxEdward


**A/n: Hey! Just a quick idea I've had recently. The rating could go up in later chapters (and by 'could' I mean 'most probably will'). Next chapter should be up soon, but can't make any guarantees.  
It may be obvious from the chapter, but I was inspired by the beautiful 'Love the Way You Lie', Eminem and Rihanna. The subject of domestic violence is one I find intriguing, and after reading a few other abuse fics, I decided to give it a go. In my opinion, domestic violence should be a subject every girl has a minimal knowledge of, so its easier to spot and sort out in an everyday situation. If anything I write ever personally affects you, I apologise and it wasn't said intentionally.  
Please enjoy, and leave me a quick review if you could be so kind :) x**

_Blind Suffering_

_Bella_

I knew I'd done something stupid.

I always knew I'd done something stupid; he'd always tell me that.

We'd planned a quiet evening. A DVD, some popcorn, something romantic. And it'd started off great. For once he was himself. He was happy, following my truck back to the house, pulling up on the kerb.

He'd taken my hand on the walk from my driveway to my front door. I'd appreciated it at the time; he'd been a little distant today. I thought maybe I'd upset him or something. Evidently not.

I was upsetting him a lot recently. Numerous times, I'd get the phone call.

"Where are you, Bella?" He'd demand. "I told you to let me know if you decided to go out, what if I wanted to come round?" His voice would usually rise at this point. I knew the usual speech off by heart. "You seemed quiet at school today, was Mike bothering you again?" It was always Mike. Always. Mike seemed like the only threat in his life, no matter how many times I'd told him that Mike was not my type. "Bella, he doesn't seem to realise that. Maybe you're leading him on. He thinks you're interested and he knows you're with me." As far as I could tell, and my dating knowledge wasn't large, I hadn't made any flirtations towards Mike, let alone anyone else. "If he touches you, I swear to God…" I would tend to stop him right there. Mike had done nothing to me, and I wouldn't have his name brought up in our conversation.

"Just leave it there, there's nothing going on." I'd say. Even though I was only hearing his voice through the phone, it was at this point I'd picture his face. He'd be giving me that look, the one that implied I was lying.

"Are you cheating on me, Bella?" That question was starting to get to me. Especially the way he'd ask it. Like I was committing murder, or something, like I was doing the worst thing imaginable; when in reality I wasn't doing anything at all. It was by this point I'd begin to notice how angry he'd get. I'd shake my head, staring at the floor, embarrassed.

Down the phone, I'd assure him, "no," is all I'd say. I wouldn't elaborate. Maybe that's why he suspected me.

I couldn't cheat on him even I wanted to, and he knew that. We were barely ever apart. I'd have no chance. I wouldn't cheat on him. I cared for him too much to ever do that. We'd grown close at school only a half a year ago, but it felt like we'd been together for much longer. He was such a big part of my life. I'd learnt to accept the affection my body now felt towards him, due to how much of my life involved him. I didn't cheat on him. What I did was far, far worse.

* * *

"I don't like this bit." He said, his voice sounding a little less humoured than his last remark on the awful movie I'd chosen.

I laughed, reaching across him for the remote, aiming to move the film forwards a little. I'd just got my fingers clenched around it when I felt his touch on my leg, completely misunderstanding my actions.

"I think we needed this." He told me, grinning so close to my face, barely an inch between us. He pecked my lips ever so gently. My eyes stayed open, my vision blurring ever so slightly, before returning as his features got further from me. "I feel like I've barely seen you this week."

I felt the complete opposite. Honestly, we'd spent barely any time apart. He was in half of my classes, we sat together between classes, with him walking me to my next room. He'd join me after dinner, usually, when Charlie's mind was concentrated mainly on the TV. Charlie liked him; he was allowed round whenever he pleased. He'd stay until late, and he'd be there as soon as I'd pull into the school car park the next morning, his arm firmly around my waist before the truck door was even closed.

It wasn't that I hated seeing him as much as I did; it was the fact that he thought it was nothing that scared me. If we spent any more time together, we might as well live in the same house. I cringed ever so briefly, remembering the time I'd made that comment to him. His reply – "Someday, Bella, it'll happen." – had made me mildly worried. We were eighteen, how could he be planning on shacking up with me so early in our relationship?

I was starting to miss my own company, wishing I got more time alone. My nights were still my own, thankfully. It was the only time I could think.

The sound of the phone broke us apart, shocking me a little bit from his closeness. I stood quickly, running to scoop the handset from its holder.

"Hello?" I answered, feeling his eyes on my back. I half hoped it was Charlie, ringing to complain that he'd had an awful day and to empty the house before he got home.

A bright voice sounded down the phone, and I almost perked up. "Hey, Bells, it's Jake."

I smiled, turning back towards the TV. I gave him immediate eye contact, letting him know everything was fine. "Hi, Jake. How's things?" I said, sounding as happy as I could. I saw his face instantly. He didn't like Jake, surprise; surprise.

"Fine, yeah, look, I was wondering if you wanted to do something later? I was thinking I could treat you to some take out food. You can keep me company while I work on the Rabbit." I knew what Jake thought he felt towards me, but he was young. We were friends and it'd never be any other way to me. Still, an evening with Jake was tempting, different.

"That sounds great. I'd love to. Dominic's here at the moment, we're just watching TV… Can I give you a call tonight and let you know?" Dom didn't look pleased. Jake was another guy he liked to mention in angry conversation. Jake was also the other boy I wouldn't have him talk about. Jake had done a lot for me, and Dom couldn't change that.

"Dominic?" He sighed. "Awww no, Bella, you're not still with him are you?" Jake paused, waiting for me to reply, I assumed. I didn't. "Bella, he's bad news. He's so protective over you. He doesn't let you do anything."

My face was shocked, and I could tell. I tried not to show my disbelief in Jacob's comments, conscious of having to explain what Jacob had said when Dom asked later. "Bye, Jake, I'll ring you back tonight." I hung up, putting the phone back into the holder and taking my place on the couch.

The silence didn't take long to be broken. I knew it would've taken Dom a lot to wait this long before speaking. "What did he say?" His eyes turned to me. He knew I couldn't lie.

"He asked if I wanted to go over later. Said I could help him fix the Rabbit." I said, keeping mainly to truths as much as possible. "He wants a take out." I said with a smile.

I felt Dom's fingers at my knees again. "Anything else?"

He knew exactly how to get the truth out of me – although, who didn't? It wasn't hard.

I shook my head. I had to force my eyes to stay with his. Maybe my effort was far too conscious. "You sure?" Obviously.

"Well, he said to say hello." I said, exploring my mind for more lies. "He shouldn't, though, the amount of respect you give him." I regretted it as soon as I'd said it. I understood why Dom didn't like Jake, but, again, I thought it was stupid.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He barked, his fingers tight to my knee cap, paining slightly. I didn't speak, but held his gaze. "I dislike him for a reason, Bella. He's another Mike Newton, thinks he's got a chance with my girl." His voice sounded lower than usual, the volume of it back down to normal. "He's even worse than Newton." He continued. "I know he's trying to talk you away from me, sneaky ass. At least Newton accepts defeat."

I tried to keep my face neutral, although I was starting to feel a little uneasy. In fact, Mike given me many more lectures about Dom than Jake had ever had chance to.

I stared at him for a further few moments before I averted my gaze back to the movie. This particular movie had been an incredibly bad choice of mine. I'd wanted something easy, so I'd picked one of the only three romantic flicks I owned. It was starting to bug me now.

I didn't look back to him, hoping he'd followed my lead.

That was when I started to think – and nothing good ever came from me thinking.

I understood where Jake was coming from. Dom had a bad record at school. He was known for how possessive he got with girls. It'd freaked me out at first, but had soon become comfortable. After all, possessive was what I was used to. I daren't think the name that I'd been avoiding the last twelve months, but I knew now, after a year of being apart, that our relationship had been built on a dependence to each other. I'd fallen pretty hard after we'd split, and it hadn't taken me long to work out why. Dominic made me feel more at home, even though I'd not been looking for a relationship like my last. Unfortunately, I'd become just as addicted to him as I had to my – I didn't like using this word to describe him, but it was all he was now – exboyfriend. My dependence on Dom, however, was built on a completely level. Luckily, he'd not worked that out yet.

I knew, even thinking about it now, if he ever found out, he'd be fuming.

"Bella?" His voice broke my thoughts. I turned my eyes towards him, aware of the fact I'd been staring into space. His expression looked worried. More concern for me. He was never short of that. "Are you ok, sweetheart? We can turn it off if you don't wanna watch it. I'm sorry. I know Jake's your friend, but I can't help my feelings."

I appreciated his thoughts, but my problem wasn't with the movie.

I made up a lie on the spot. I couldn't lie. I knew that, and he knew that. But if I made up a lie he'd have an opinion on, he tended to believe it. "I was just thinking about Jacob." I said, thoughtfully. "I want to see him tonight."

And that was it. He was off. "Don't feed the fire, Bella. The more you see him, the more he's gonna think he has a chance." His face wasn't quite angry, but I could tell he wasn't far off. "I'd rather you didn't go, but it's up to you." I knew that he didn't quite mean what he said, but I let it slide.

"He's been a good friend though; maybe I should make an effort." I said, wanting to stick up for my friend, feeling bad for dropping him in it.

"Love can really upset a relationship." He told me. "He'll take your agreeing to see him as a way of saying you feel the same way. Which you don't."

I knew what he was implying, and I didn't like it. Every conversation Dom and I seemed to have nowadays generally involved some kind of insinuation. I was always in the wrong.

I leant forward, kissing him gently and quickly. "I really wish you'd stop saying that." He smiled slightly, drawing my head back to his.

I tried my best to avoid the physical side of our relationship, however, being a couple as we were, I couldn't avoid it too much without seeming suspicious. I had no problem being physical with Dominic; he was my boyfriend after all. It was just at those times I felt weakest.

Even now, as he smiled, using one hand to pull my chin towards him, I could feel the numbness setting in. His lips made contact with my cheek for only a brief second, then my jaw before he finally smooched his way to my mouth. I tried to keep my eyes open, knowing I'd have a better chance of staying afloat, but it wasn't long before the fatigue wedged my eyelids shut. My mind, feeling so much heavier than before, seemed to be racing.

Like I said; I'd never cheated on Dominic, and I never would. I cared for him in the same way, say, Angela cared for Ben, or Renee for Phil. My body never escaped the attraction I felt for him. I was definitely falling for him, which Angela never neglected to tell me was a good thing. She was made up I'd moved on. She seemed to be the only person at school who _was _happy for me. No, I couldn't hurt him. I was only afraid of what he'd do to me if he knew what happened behind my eyes, what my mind imagined every time we kissed…


End file.
